


Pulse 8

by coldfusion9797



Series: Pulse [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, Rimming, Some Humor, Topping from the Bottom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: Following a curse, Sam can't shake the feeling that Dean might not be alright.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Series: Pulse [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914787
Comments: 4
Kudos: 157





	Pulse 8

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to get back to something a bit more serious here. This episode really unsettled me, figured Sam might have felt the same. Set post 12.11.

He's got this nauseous feeling in his gut. Seeing Dean like that, gradually losing himself and everything that made him _him_ , looking down the barrel of that gun and seeing no recognition behind his brother's eyes, there's a dread he can't seem to shake.

Dean seems fine now, and rationally he knows they broke the curse, but something uneasy has settled in the pit of his stomach and he doesn't like it one bit.

They're in bed, Dean's kissing him, or trying to, but Sam's mind isn't committing, and he hates this disconnect between them.

"Hey," Dean says, holding his face, making him look into his eyes. "What's the matter with you?"

Dean's looking at him in confusion, with a touch of that old insecurity back creeping in. He thinks he isn't wanted, it's not true, couldn't be further from the truth. It's not fair, dragging his old issues up, making him feel unworthy, because it's not Dean's fault, he never did anything wrong.

And that's when it occurs to him that this is his issue, he's scared, terrified in fact, that maybe he didn't get his strong, confident, capable brother back. The front of his brain knows that he did, but the back just won't believe it, so he's gonna need Dean to show him.

"Top me, Dean. Do it however you want."

"What?" he frowns, thrown by the abruptness of it. "Why? Where's this coming from?"

He doesn't want to explain it, he just wants Dean to take over and show him he knows how to please him.

"Please. Just do it. Come on, Dean."

He's looking at Dean, feeling like he's right on the edge. Dean's looking back searchingly, trying to get to the bottom of what is rapidly becoming a problem between them.

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"Something's wrong. It doesn't feel right."

Hearing those words from Dean, that he doesn't _feel right_ , is the last thing he needs right now. He needs Dean to be strong.

"Dean," he pleads. "I need this."

"Why?" Dean questions again, and this time he feels the subtlest shift, Dean drawing back, suspicion creeping in now.

"Dean, come on..." he all but begs, the feeling hanging over him that if they let this go, don't fix it now, it's gonna tear them apart.

"Sammy..." Dean says, giving in and drawing close again, holding his face to soothe him.

"Please...?"

"Alright," Dean says. "Come on. Lay down. I've got you."

He does what Dean asks, watching as Dean takes his own shirt off. Then he kneels over Sam's thighs, and unbuttons his shirt for him, leaning down to start at his throat, kissing each new bit of skin he reveals.

When he makes it to Sam's belly, he brushes his lips over the bullet scar, then shuffles back and undoes Sam's jeans, shimmying them down along with his underwear, but it's all just a bit too gentle and unfamiliar.

Dean looks up at him questioningly, because he's completely soft, and it's all a negative loop, feeding off itself, because now Dean is thinking he mustn't be desirable enough, and Sam isn't in the right headspace not to find that weak, so he can't get it up, and Dean's probably too insecure to do anything about helping him out.

There's a moment when their eyes connect, and he's wishing he could just say it, just tell Dean how much he needs him to make this work for both of them before it's too late.

"Alright," Dean says decisively, tugging at Sam's jeans. "Get these off."

The effect is immediate, hearing that authoritative tone in Dean's voice, prompts him into action. Before he knows it, his pants are gone and Dean's lifting his legs up for him so they're bent at the knees, then he's leaning down, mouthing along Sam's dick before moving even lower and pressing his tongue to Sam's asshole.

"Dean..."

Dean's response is to apply more pressure, coaxing him open with his tongue.

"Dean..."

It feels so weird, good, but different, Dean's never done this before, but it feels right and he starts to feel it, the rush that comes with sex.

Dean's got one hand on his dick, thumbing him while he continues to eat him out. He uses spit to slick up a finger, then he's slipping it inside him, expertly hitting his sweet spot. His brain short-circuits for a second, as all his blood runs south, and by the time Dean is done, he is properly hard.

Satisfied, Dean fishes a near empty bottle of vodka out from under the bed, swishes a mouthful, and spits it back in the bottle.

"Make sure you toss that," Sam says.

"Yep," Dean says, immediately getting up to lob it in the trash, and also to get rid of his pants.

Dean's hard, just from having his mouth on him, and Sam's heart thumps harder at the thought of having Dean inside him. He's excited, nervous too, he's never had anyone inside him before, and now that it comes down to it, he isn't quite sure he's ready for this, and everything it could mean. Like what kind of a man it makes him, and the complete surrender of control. He trusts Dean, of course he does, but what if this changes things between them? What if he feels different after they do this?

He thinks, hopes, he might be overthinking it, which has the potential to ruin the mood, but then Dean's climbing over him, straddling his hips, getting ready to ride him he realises.

"Dean, you haven't..." he says, alluding to the fact that Dean hasn't been prepped.

"Don't worry about that. Pass me that lube."

He grabs for it and throws it to Dean, who squirts some onto his fingers and reaches between his legs just long enough to slick them up. Then he holds Sam's dick, and sinks down.

There's a bit of resistance, but then he slides in past that first ring of muscle, which is tighter than he's ever felt it.

"Oh Jesus..." he swears, head falling back, eyes fluttering shut, it feels so damn incredible.

Dean is so tight, his body fighting a little, coils of muscle rippling along his shaft as Dean bears down and works to take him all in.

"How's that?" Dean smirks down at him, breathing deep, sweat shining on his forehead.

"Amazing," he pants. "You're amazing."

"I know," Dean half grins, half groans. And Sam almost laughs, because it's just so Dean, and he's so relieved, but then Dean starts moving, and there's nothing but hot, tight pleasure. Nothing but Dean above him, riding him, their bodies joined, every roll of his hips making the point over and over that this is how he can take care of him, and the pressure building until it all overflows, pushing them both over the edge.

"Oh Christ," Dean puffs, flopping down next to him, face flushed, skin glistening with sweat. "I need to work out more."

"Haven't I been telling you that for ages?"

Dean turns his head, still puffing, and gives him a dazzling smile.

"It's all about the right motivation, Sammy."

"Not dying when you to go toe to toe with the monsters isn't enough?"

"Apparently not..."

They lay there side by side for a bit, catching their breath. It takes Dean longer to recover, before he speaks again.

"So, you gonna talk now? Usually I can't get you to shut up about all this feelings crap."

He looks at Dean, _his_ Dean, and figures that yeah, he probably does owe him an explanation.

"I guess you scared me," he admits, but it all feels a bit silly now. There is definitely nothing wrong with Dean.

"When?"

"When you couldn't even remember your own damn name."

"That's what this is about? Some stupid curse? Man, I need to get hexed more often."

Sam gets what he means, the sex was amazing, but...

"Don't even joke about it. You weren't yourself. It was awful."

Admittedly at first it was kind of alright, Dean seemed happier, but things got real, real fast, and then it was frightening to see Dean fading away so quickly like that.

"Sammy, come on. It's just the job."

"And the job is our lives."

Dean gives him a thoughtful look, and Sam thinks this could be a big deal, if they let it be, but Dean seems to know what he needs tonight.

"Come here," Dean says, voice upbeat as he pulls Sam tight against him. "The job is just what we do. This right here? Us. That's our life."

"You honestly believe that?" he questions, knowing how much Dean loves hunting.

"Yeah. Don't you?"

Honestly, he hasn't really thought about it in years, that he might be something other than a hunter, that there could be anything more to life. But Dean is right, these are the moments he looks forward to now, and what he has with Dean is his number one priority, the thing he would do anything to hold on to.

"Of course, you're right. We've got something special here."

"Sure do..."

He nestles in against Dean, yeah, they're hot and sticky, but some things are more important. And Dean? Well, he was pretty damn incredible just now.

"Hey, Dean? Where'd you learn all this stuff?" The question is out his mouth before he decides if he really wants the answer. Does he really wanna know about other guys Dean might have hooked up with?

He feels a soft laugh ripple through Dean.

"Ancient books and mind-numbing history podcasts aren't the only things that can be educational."

"Huh?"

"Porn, Sammy. Porn. I watch a crapload of porn."

And Sam laughs too because yeah, that's the brother he knows and loves alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh well, I tried 😅


End file.
